Saturday 11 July 2015

The Gay Debate

Some say, “Homosexuality is unnatural!” (Do notice the exclamation mark). भाई जान, “हाथ कंगन को आरसी क्या?” Don’t they exist? Our great ऋषि जैमिनी said, “Perception is the best proof of Dharma.”
So मित्रों, before you start refuting logic tell me, what is so natural about airplanes, artificial intelligence, spaceships and beautiful girls.
One of my girlfriends asked me once, “Hey! Do you like my makeup?”
“Yes! You do a good Pikachu” I said.
When Neil Armstrong set his foot on the moon, that incident was as natural as Rakhi Sawant’s face (no offense).
राखी सावंत से याद आया, बाबाजी कहते हैं, “अगर आपके पूर्वज समलैंगिक होते तो क्या आप पैदा होते?” बाबजी और अगर वे सन्यासी होते तो दही मठ कर बच्चे निकालते? Maybe but those dahi-mathi kids always grow up into certain Raksashas, Apsaras, and Kinnaras.
I was watching a Hollywood movie with one of my girlfriends, I could not remember the exact dialogue but it might have gone like this –
“Hey, Sebastian! Where are you going?”
“To the yoga class”
“The yoga class, why? Are you gay?”
Not anymore my stereotypical friend, because Babaji says he can cure gays by yoga! Hurray………. Shushrut couldn’t do it, Patanjali failed, Charka also failed but this manifestation of Dhanwantari can.
Babaji also says, “ये हमारी संस्कृति के खिलाफ है।”
कहने को तो बाबाजी की योग संस्कृति है।. But this बाबाजी की संस्कृति is ‘the last novelty left in India.’ The legacy of our great white masters only flavored for Indian palate. मसाला मार के you see.
I was walking around with one of my girlfriends when she said, “Hey what is this ugly pungent smell?”
“What you call ugly, people are intoxicated by it. Look there it is ठेका देसी शराब।’”
“Well indeed Mr. Philosopher, but can you tell what stinks worse than this and is still more intoxicating?” She asked.
“I’ve no idea”
“Get Idea, its ‘ठेका देसी संस्कृति’”
It is often said, east or west India is the best. But sahib India has not only east and west but also north and south and all the in-betweens. यहाँ तो संस्कृति का जमघट है। वैदिक संस्कृति, अवेदिक संस्कृति, मौर्य, गुप्त, मुग़ल, चौल, अहोम, अंग्रेजी राज, राजस्थानी, पंजाबी, मद्रासी। Southeast Asia is the only sub-continent which has a language dedicated to a queer subculture. The Hijra-Farsi of Hijra people of India. राजस्थान की लोक कथाओ से लेकर पौराणिक और आगमिक मिथकों तक क्या फिलिस्तीन की संस्कृति है?
Someone asked Mamdhatri, “Hey Mady! How is your mother?”
“He is fine,” Mandy said.
“No Mandy, I’m asking about your mother”
“Define Mother.”
“The women who suckled you.”
“I'm suckled by a man Sakra, he is fine.”
“No Mandy, umm how is the woman who gave birth to you?”
“Well I'm born of a man, King Yuyanashwa and he is also doing well”
“No Mady. How is your father’s wife?”
“He married thrice, about whom you ask?”
“The one you call your mother Mandy!”
“I told you! He is fine.”
Marriage is a union of two selves it is said. Abhinavagupta tried producing Manas Putras, he failed so the poor guy has to marry.
Apparently one marries because one has to beget. The gay couple can never beget so they should never marry.
If a gay couple does marry, they can always adopt, can’t they? Dattak putram! Well not as per law. A gay couple cannot adopt but a gay person can adopt as a single father beside the point of his relationship status. So in a certain way, they can still adopt. Each one of them can but not together. There is a reason the LGBT group takes Indian constitution too personally.
बाबासाहब बता तूने ये क्या किया?
Talk about rights, जानवरों के पास भी ज्यादा हकूक है।. Elementary rights you know. But the article 377 is not at all discriminatory. It oppresses as much the ‘straight couples who are into non-missionary positions’ as the gay couples. It is a secular oppression. It is a law of a secular republic, its secularism is an axiom. Isn’t it?
परन्तु प्रजापति की माया देखो। In some way gay marriage is not illegal in India, child marriage is. One has to decide what is more anti-social and immoral and what is more abundant.
One of my girlfriends asked me a totally out of the context question, “who made these morality laws anyway?”
All of a sudden Brahma appears, “I did” He said.
“Brahma Dev Ji, didn’t you lusted after your daughter and married her?”
“Yes...” Brahma confessed, “I made laws after that.”
Notwithstanding, Indian is the only society that has recognized the third gender for ages. The recent amendments in law also recognize their marriages and rights. It took years to protect those who were socially acceptable and religiously divine. How much time would it take for dubiously social people who are held demonic?